Stress can be your friend

I'm currently reading The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal, and honestly, it’s one of the most thought-provoking titles I’ve come across in years. The premise is surprising—especially since we’ve always been told that stress is bad. Stress leads to illness, burnout, and even an early grave… right?

I remember seeing a similar idea in an article from the CPA magazine a few years ago. At the time, I dismissed it. It felt self-serving—like a way to justify pushing already maxed-out professionals even harder. I thought, “Accountants are already some of the most stressed people I know. Why would anyone suggest we embrace stress?” It felt dangerous and tone-deaf. In my mind, what accountants really needed was to work less, not be told stress is somehow good for them.

I didn’t read that article back then, but I think I misjudged it. Now that I’m reading McGonigal’s book, I see things differently. She’s not saying we should seek out stress or burn ourselves out. What she’s saying is far more nuanced—it’s not about managing stress away, but rather changing how we think about stress.

Take athletes, for example. When someone makes the winning shot, that moment is full of pressure and adrenaline—classic stress. But it’s also thrilling, motivating, and often when they perform at their best. That’s the point: stress doesn’t have to be a threat. It can be a challenge. A push toward growth.

McGonigal explains that our body’s stress response—fight or flight—is natural. But how we interpret it matters. Do we see stress as a signal that we’re in danger? Or as a sign that we care deeply about what we’re doing? That shift in mindset can change everything. In fact, there’s research showing that people who view stress as harmful tend to suffer worse outcomes than people who see it as part of life and growth.

One thing I’ve come to accept is that stress is a constant. People say the only guarantees in life are death and taxes—but I’d add stress to that list. If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know I’ve talked about hitting milestones and still feeling like something’s missing. I used to think that once I “arrived” in life, stress would disappear. But that’s not reality.

I love my children deeply—but raising them is stressful. There’s mom guilt (my son recently told me I’m not home enough). I have a strong desire to keep learning—but learning is stressful too, especially when you’re struggling to grasp something new. I started this passion project because I wanted to give back—but now I’m figuring out how to balance it with everything else, including learning the tech to bring it to life.

Despite all the stress, I can’t imagine feeling fulfilled in a life that’s too safe or too stable. My husband once joked that I might be addicted to stress—and honestly, there may be some truth in that. But what’s changed is my relationship with stress. I no longer see it as something bad. I see it as a signal—a part of growth.

Looking back, I don’t think I would have achieved the life I have now if I had avoided stress. I still hate dealing with problems, but I’ve realized that if I ignore them, they only grow bigger. Facing stress has often led me to growth and clarity.

So, here’s what I’d say to my younger self:

Take a good look at your stress. Ask what it’s trying to tell you. Are you stressed about that presentation? Good—it means it matters to you. So practice, prepare, and give it your all. Stress shows you care. It points you toward the things that are important: your career, your family, your relationships. Don’t ignore it. Don’t let it consume you either. Instead, listen to it, work with it, and let it push you to be better.

Stress can be your friend.